Negativity
March 2, 2007It can't be stopped, can it? Like an avalanche cascading down a mountain never stopping until all its energy is dissipated.
Joy
Is it human nature?
Today as I walked down the quiet streets of my subdivision, a myriad of shouts disturb the tranquility of the afternoon. It's like the shouts were scripted, everything was on cue. It's not that difficult to know how the shouts came to be. Someone just won the jackpot price for a noontime show.
Isn't it weird? They are happy because someone just got a million pesos richer while most of these people who are watching live in poverty. I'm fascinated by the nature of humans. We are happy because someone is happy. I think it gives people hope seeing other's happiness. That maybe they'll achieve happiness just like what they are seeing…somehow…somewhere…sometime…
I'm one of those people. A person contented at seeing other people's happiness. I've, for the longest time, watched people achieve joy that led me to forget what real happiness means for me. What is it? I don't know…
In the end, maybe I'm just really lonely. Feeding of other's people happiness to buffer the large void deep within my heart.
—
I love you but please don't love me…
Kaede* complex
Kaede is pathetic and so am I.
The incident this week is taking its toll. It's hitting me the hardest now that it's over (so far this has been the case). I compare it to a relapse, a condition worse than the previous.
Pathetic as it is, the sub-heading best describes me. This week opened my mind more to the realization of just how useless of a guy I really am and made me more determined to be a better man.
*Kaede Fuyou of SHUFFLE! Click for more info at Wikipedia.org
