Rainy Afternoon

I love the rain and the exquisite mix of gloomy and refreshing atmosphere that accompanies it.

It rained this afternoon which is quite refreshing considering the fact that we hadn't had rain for quite some time now. As I got drenched looking up at the light gray sky, just like always, a flood of memories began to sweep me.

Negativity

It can't be stopped, can it? Like an avalanche cascading down a mountain never stopping until all its energy is dissipated.

Joy
Is it human nature?

Today as I walked down the quiet streets of my subdivision, a myriad of shouts disturb the tranquility of the afternoon. It's like the shouts were scripted, everything was on cue. It's not that difficult to know how the shouts came to be. Someone just won the jackpot price for a noontime show.

Isn't it weird? They are happy because someone just got a million pesos richer while most of these people who are watching live in poverty. I'm fascinated by the nature of humans. We are happy because someone is happy. I think it gives people hope seeing other's happiness. That maybe they'll achieve happiness just like what they are seeing…somehow…somewhere…sometime…

I'm one of those people. A person contented at seeing other people's happiness. I've, for the longest time, watched people achieve joy that led me to forget what real happiness means for me. What is it? I don't know…

In the end, maybe I'm just really lonely. Feeding of other's people happiness to buffer the large void deep within my heart.

—

I love you but please don't love me…
Kaede* complex

Kaede is pathetic and so am I.

The incident this week is taking its toll. It's hitting me the hardest now that it's over (so far this has been the case). I compare it to a relapse, a condition worse than the previous.

Pathetic as it is, the sub-heading best describes me. This week opened my mind more to the realization of just how useless of a guy I really am and made me more determined to be a better man.

*Kaede Fuyou of SHUFFLE! Click for more info at Wikipedia.org

Tormented Soul

Evoked emotions are scary. Especially the ones you are not familiar with, a feeling so foreign it's causing me torment.

—

5 Centimeters per second
One more time, one more chance

I am having a bad case of Last Song Syndrome with the song above. It all started after I watched Byoukosu 5 Centimeter (5 Centimeter per second). It's a 3 part movie of the slice-of-life and romance genre. The song above entitled 「One more time, One more chance」by Masayoshi Yamazaki is more or less the movie's theme song and the message incorporated in the song just hits me. I can't wait for the other 2/3 of this movie.

—

Tormented
why must I suffer?

Please, stop. A single word is enough to cause me anguish. Every word you say is rekindling a feeling, a feeling I tend to stay away from.

I envy people who are very open, an attribute I never had. I wish I can be like them, people who knows what they want, never confused, always assured

I am a coward. Yes. A patient observer who is satisfied with what he has been doing all this time - observing.

Please, stop.

I want to see you…